Here I am! I CAN SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“The past the present and the future are all side by side hand in hand.”

– Kate Havnevik, “Unlike Me”

Here I am, in this very moment, when time is just a word we try to grasp and try to visualize. Here I am where my emotions can only be felt when my memories are flashing right in front of my eyes. I am in a space where I’m looking at a panoramic view of my dreams, my failures and my comebacks. Here I am standing stiffly on a cliff, ready to take a plunge and to begin a new chapter.

I can’t believe that it’s been more than five years since I was at the bottom of the staircase, wondering when life will finally turn around for me. I remember being so lost and I had no purpose. Now, here I am, almost surrounded with stars and I can breathe a little better and at ease. I’ve come a long way.

I’m no longer lost, but I’m scared of the unknown. I’m not used to the good things that are starting to appear. I’m scared that if I take my guard down, or that I indulge to the sweet life I’ve accomplished, I’ll be lost again. Is this  a trap? Or am I finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel?

Five years ago, I had a hostess job, I got paid $12/hr, I was appreciated by my looks and not with what I did. I served rich, overindulgent snobs who thought I was one of those girls who likes to have a sugar daddy. I didn’t feel satisfied where my life was going. I wanted to become someone or to do something so fulfilling and purposeful that gives a worldly impact to those who needed my help. I wanted to become a strong person, someone to look up to, and I wanted to become the girl who was more than just a pretty face. I’ve imagined my 25- year -old self to be successful but I don’t know with what. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be that girl.

If I didn’t quit my hostess job five years ago, where would I be now?

Now, here I am, look at me, here I am! I am expected to graduate as a Registered Nurse in May. I have sacrificed so much, I’ve worked harder and I’ve come so far. I’m going to be someone and I am going to do good in this world. This is another beginning and I’m looking forward in growing and in becoming someone whom I am met to become. I am so grateful for the bad and good things. I AM SOOOOO PROUD OF MYSELF!

To God, thank you. To my family, thank you. To my husband, thank you for inspiring me to become the “someone” I’ve imagined five years ago!

To my readers who are reading this, thank you for reading bits and pieces of me while I was in the process of finding myself and in finally, growing up.

Advertisements

Day 17: One-hundred-percent.

I feel so tired.

It doesn’t help that I have a cold and I’ve been sneezing and coughing. However, that didn’t keep me from fulfilling my Crafting-to-do list. Last night, I was able to finish a few things until 3 in the morning. At that point, I couldn’t go to sleep and I had to wake up at 6am. Let me tell you this, having your own business is hard.

It’s hard if you’re a one-man company like me because:

1. I am the make-up artist.

Yep. Since I’ll be taking a part of my face (or most of it), I decided to hide my blemishes so all the attention is on the earrings or necklace or whatever I’m trying to sell and not on the blackheads on my nose!

2. I am the wardrobe stylist.

This is difficult because I have to think about the right clothes to wear that won’t clash with what I’m trying to show in my picture. The last thing I want is someone asking me where I got my shirt or my outfit from. That’s not the ‘thing’ I’m trying to sell in my pictures!

3. I am the model. 

I honestly don’t like the idea of using my face to advertise my stuff and I prefer someone else, but I don’t know anyone who would be willing to sit in front of me and take (LOADS of )pictures. Also, I’m not willing to pay anyone to model, so really, I had to suck it up and be the face of my own brand.

4. I am the photographer.

Yep. I find this the most difficult thing to do because I want to make sure that I have the right lighting so that I won’t have to suffer from editing a picture. Since it’s still winter and the sun sets too early, I have to allot a specific time to take pictures. Also, I have to make sure my battery is full or else… I have to continue it the next day! (UGHHHH!)

[Taken by me]

[I was trying to be more cheerful and less tired.]

5. I am the graphic designer. 

Yeah, it goes along with being a photographer, but I think nowadays, it’s a must to have a nice- looking (HIGH DEF!), professional picture to advertise. I made my own logo and my own tagline too. I think knowing some basics of photo-editing is a must nowadays. I’m using Gimp (a free photo editing program: Check it!) and I’m so glad that it’s helping me edit a few things here and there. That reminds me, I have to make a business card! 

6. I am the PR/ marketing agent.

I spent the entire time last night trying to edit my blog which took a lot of tries (and a lot of cussing and pulling my hair out). I revived my accessory Facebook page. I signed up for accounts on Twitter (which I never got used to using it), Pinterest (I get sucked in there so easily!), and Instagram (by far, the easiest thing to use!). All of these happened last night and I finished around 3 in the morning. I thought I would be happy when I went to bed, but it left me thinking a lot more on how to advertise. How do I get people to follow me?

7. I am the jeweler/ designer.

I want to craft so bad! However, I have to finish numbers 1 through 5 to get myself somewhere. If I could have people do numbers 1 through 5 for me, I’d so be happy to be in my own workspace: peacefully creating things that I think are beautiful.

8. I am the accountant.

I laugh when I thought of this. I do suck in Math, but it helps to have someone (a boyfriend) to calculate things like what’s 2.34% of this number and such. However, ultimately as much as I want him to be my human calculator who is available 24/7, all the accounts and expenses are stuck with me.

Anyways, I think I like what I’m doing except the fact that I’m doing more marketing stuff than crafting. Oh well, I guess it’s just the beginning that’s why it’s really tough! Hopefully, I hang on. TIGHTER this time!

Day 26: To be successful…

“Sometimes you have to stoop down to conquer.”

-Joy, president of my nursing school.

“Critical thinking comes with lots of practice.”

 -Josie, my clinical nurse instructor.

“The effort must be total for the results to be meaningful.”

-“Wit” movie

Listen.

“Khristine. Listen.

I know it’s hard. From what I see, you’re trying to make yourself look good to you and to your parents.

I know it gets really frustrating that you have to work and study extra harder and sacrifice your social life.

I know that you haven’t lost all your friends. They’re still there. You don’t see them, but they are around.

It’s normal to breakdown like this… to feel dramatic. I know that you want drama because your life as it is, is dull.

You want something fun and you want something that would make you feel good. I understand that.

Although, I may have demons myself, you can always talk to me.

I won’t leave you crying alone because I like you too much and I care for you.

If I didn’t, I would have said, “Fuck it, she’s on her own and I’m going to a club and take home a chick.”

But I didn’t… because I like you too much…

All of these that you’re going through is hard. But if you stay… see, if you stay and keep on doing what you’re doing, you’ll succeed.

Someday, you’ll look back at this moment and you won’t feel sorry at all.

So… smile. Life isn’t too bad as you might think it is.”

– Dimitry.