Here I am! I CAN SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“The past the present and the future are all side by side hand in hand.”

– Kate Havnevik, “Unlike Me”

Here I am, in this very moment, when time is just a word we try to grasp and try to visualize. Here I am where my emotions can only be felt when my memories are flashing right in front of my eyes. I am in a space where I’m looking at a panoramic view of my dreams, my failures and my comebacks. Here I am standing stiffly on a cliff, ready to take a plunge and to begin a new chapter.

I can’t believe that it’s been more than five years since I was at the bottom of the staircase, wondering when life will finally turn around for me. I remember being so lost and I had no purpose. Now, here I am, almost surrounded with stars and I can breathe a little better and at ease. I’ve come a long way.

I’m no longer lost, but I’m scared of the unknown. I’m not used to the good things that are starting to appear. I’m scared that if I take my guard down, or that I indulge to the sweet life I’ve accomplished, I’ll be lost again. Is this  a trap? Or am I finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel?

Five years ago, I had a hostess job, I got paid $12/hr, I was appreciated by my looks and not with what I did. I served rich, overindulgent snobs who thought I was one of those girls who likes to have a sugar daddy. I didn’t feel satisfied where my life was going. I wanted to become someone or to do something so fulfilling and purposeful that gives a worldly impact to those who needed my help. I wanted to become a strong person, someone to look up to, and I wanted to become the girl who was more than just a pretty face. I’ve imagined my 25- year -old self to be successful but I don’t know with what. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be that girl.

If I didn’t quit my hostess job five years ago, where would I be now?

Now, here I am, look at me, here I am! I am expected to graduate as a Registered Nurse in May. I have sacrificed so much, I’ve worked harder and I’ve come so far. I’m going to be someone and I am going to do good in this world. This is another beginning and I’m looking forward in growing and in becoming someone whom I am met to become. I am so grateful for the bad and good things. I AM SOOOOO PROUD OF MYSELF!

To God, thank you. To my family, thank you. To my husband, thank you for inspiring me to become the “someone” I’ve imagined five years ago!

To my readers who are reading this, thank you for reading bits and pieces of me while I was in the process of finding myself and in finally, growing up.

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Changes

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Five days ago, WordPress has notified me that my blog turned three. My blog is a toddler and I haven’t been blogging as much as I used to (or ever!). I almost forgot that this blog existed and if it weren’t for my blog- bff, Fawn, I would have probably never logged in anymore.

I’m kidding! Of course I would never forget this blog despite the fact that I’ve made two other blogs. I’m such a traitor! Hah~

I haven’t been active in the blog-o-sphere recently because BIGGER and BETTER things has occupied my time- not that I’m implying that my blog is no longer of any interest to me. It’s just that, somehow, I’ve been occupied with such great news.

Firstly, I have been accepted to one of the most competitive nursing schools in my region. I couldn’t believe that I’ve made it into the RN program where so many have tried and dreamed so hard to get into. They have only accepted 34 students in my program, including me, and I feel very very honored!

Despite the fact that I’ve been accepted, I had to complete the other important requirements that are due by the 12th of August. So, as you can tell, I have been really busy in completing my immunizations, liability insurance, attending orientations and so forth. It has gotten so stressful that I almost missed my period for an entire month. I thought I was pregnant from all that monkey-business with Ricky and I’s one-week vacation in Cali and Vegas. Luckily, last Wednesday, the last day of July and dad’s birthday (ironically), my period came and I’m NOT pregnant!

In the flip side…

So many things has happened for the last months when I haven’t been blogging. I’ve stopped running and I’ve gained a few pounds where I’m currently standing at 140 lbs (BMI: Overweight). My insecurity has doubled and I’ve completely ditched my [immature] friends – leaving me with Ricky (it’s not my fault that I matured faster than any of them). Lastly, I have been putting my free time into socializing in a “metaworld” where I’m interacting with avatars. I have been inactive in my real life socially and I am planning on changing that as soon as I start school.

I have huge expectations in going back to school. I hope that I would gain as many friends as I could, but when I’ve attended my orientations, most of the people in my program are… well, older. Some have kids, married, in their middle-age and some are even as old as my mom (she’s 56!). I don’t think I’ll be able to make friends, because I couldn’t relate to any of them. This is probably why it’s hard for me to find girl-friends because it’s either I’m too young or that my mindset is too mature. I’ll just try to join the honor society or some school club if I have enough time. Maybe I’ll ditch the idea of working part-time. Oh whatever. I’m excited!

Finally, I’ve been wanting to start a new blog which is solely for fitness and working out. I want to go back into running again and actually aim to be really fit and toned. I want to start another blog, but it seems that I am tired of making new ones. Maybe, this blog should house all that fitness updates. After all, it’s already three-years-old and this blog could use a change. Maybe I’ll stick with adding fitness updates and still stick into adding my other musings about my personal life.

Oh well… we’ll see.

Day 26: To be successful…

“Sometimes you have to stoop down to conquer.”

-Joy, president of my nursing school.

“Critical thinking comes with lots of practice.”

 -Josie, my clinical nurse instructor.

“The effort must be total for the results to be meaningful.”

-“Wit” movie