There’s a way…

“4 am” by Kaskade was playing in the radio.

It alluded so many memories from seven years ago.

She remembers how far she’s come.

Past loves, past life, past memories were all behind her.

She’s finally reached the temple.

On top of the mountain, she looks on to the sunrise and sings,

Dreams are shining.
Finally they’re within reach.

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An update with my life.

I shot the Stallion (Beppe), the Pretty Boy (Nick aka Mr.Nit Picky), and the Warhead (Dimitry). Not literally though.

I like that I don’t seem too crazy about those three gents. I am more aware that there are so many men out there. Why bother waste my life crying over a summer fling with Beppe, wondering if Nick will ever be serious with me, or wondering how to work things out with Dimitry? I’ve had it with them… they’ve made my life quite complicated for the last 6 months.

However, I can’t say that there isn’t a man lingering around. There’s one, which isn’t old news. He is quite different from the others and strange (I mean it!) I haven’t met someone who has… SOO much similarities with me until he came around. I don’t want to jump into conclusions either, but so far, he has got me hooked!

Thankful.

Almost a year ago, I had the most heart-aching break-up.

I found my 3-year boyfriend, Dave, in the shower with one of our friends. What made me walk in to that scene was completely based on my intuition: my sixth sense per se. I remember kicking and stomping at him and wanting to assault on the so-called friend, Vicki, whom I comforted earlier that week because her boyfriend cheated on her with her roommate. It was heart- aching and I felt myself betrayed by my partner who is also my bestfriend and my boyfriend. I remember walking out of that god-forsaken house: my entire body frozen, my face drenched in tears, and my heart beating so fast as if I was running away from an ax-murderer. I walked out of that house, swore to myself never to turn back and never to return to Dave.

January was the hardest month that I’ve endured. I didn’t know where to begin. I hated myself but I knew that somehow, I had to start somewhere and I had to start with forgiving myself.

Looking back, 10 months have gone by and that memory seemed so far away; nevertheless, it seems so insignificant. I feel aloof of that thrust-throwing and heavy-breathing I had felt earlier this year. The reason why it seems so insignifcant now, because of the events that followed right after the horrendous break-up. I am thankful that I broke up with Dave and I am thankful to find him and Vicki in the shower: both oblivious of me entering the house on that Wednesday morning.

If I didn’t break up with Dave, I wouldn’t have:

– found a job that provided me the money to become independent.

– re-united with my old friend Rami, who eventually became my bestest friend.

– met such great co-workers who eventually became my awesome and closest friends.

– enjoyed a summer with new friends who became my mentors.

– been in love with myself.

– known that there is life after the “storm.”

– grown- up into an “independent and strong young lady.”

– been optimistic about life and about being in love again.

– ever imagined that there are truly tons of guys out there who have been interested with me.

– met Beppe, an Italian romantic, who swept me off my feet.

 

I’m thankful, truly thankful that I didn’t gave up on myself completely.

I’m thankful that I had a chance to restart a new life and a new journey.

I’m thankful that I found friends and finally found myself.

 

I am very lucky indeed!

A little piece.

Summer’s Trail

 

Ink blotches splattered everywhere

Words either scratched or left in doubt

My mind wants to speak

But no voice came out.

 

Memories made every moment

Days go by so quickly

Every moment becomes history

I want to go back

But time won’t let me.

 

Leaves will soon turn to ashes

Smiles disappear as the season rot

Summer fades into autumn

My feelings for you remains-

But will yours remain the same?

 

Places and buildings retell a love story-

Of those memories we so cleverly wrote

Soon we’ll part with each a copy

And I, standing there and remembering it all.


“Stay” the hardest word to say

“Love” the simplest word to have

“Fallen” the bitter word to confess

And “You” are the person I cannot keep.

 

People say it’s the ending

But who truly knows beyond this parting?

I cannot expect nor assume

But I can only hope for a beginning.

 

I made this poem for Beppe around end of July. A little piece, nothing big.