Day 16: I’m insecure.

I feel like I’ve gained weight! Last October, I had a goal to lose weight, but it never happened. I ended up breaking my diet, I lost my motivation, and I lost my routine! I don’t even think I can wear bikinis this summer because my belly has gained more fat and so did my thighs and most especially my butt. UGH…

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LOSE WEIGHT and yet, it’s so EASY to engulf food that makes me heavier?!  I never liked working out because it seems… redundant, boring and ugh… it’s work. I don’t know how some people, like my Ricky, could be so motivated to work out as much as he can no matter what. Working out is his priority, passing on it, is not a good excuse!

I’ve tried very hard to force my butt to exercise. I think I walk and run for once or twice a week, but I feel that I eat more than I exercise. I want to lose weight so badly because everyone I know are getting ready for the bikini season. I’m very insecure with my body right now. I’m lazy to work out!

It has always been my goal to have the same shape as Shakira since I've got almost the same curves as hers. The only difference is, I don't have a flat belly and my arms are slightly thicker.

I’ve told Ricky so many times, “I’m only working out because I don’t want any heart diseases someday. I’m not working out to lose weight to look good.” BULLSH**. OF COURSE I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT TO LOOK GOOD!

UGH.

I'd be so content if I have her body. Thighs that won't stick when walking and thinner arms.

However, I did try to feed myself healthy today, but it seemed like I’m hungrier than ever. I’m speculating that I’m pregnant, but then again, I’m breaking out and I feel bloated by the day, so it could be my menstrual cycle trying to sneak up to me again.

Anyways… here’s how my diet went through today:

Breakfast:

2 SMALL cinnamon toasted bagels with slabs of butter and with an approximate teaspoon of cheddar cheese

A cup of hot chocolate

Lunch:

A bowl of spinach salad mixed with olive oil, balsamic vinegarette, red apple cider vinegar, lemon, tomatoes, and 2 chopped boiled eggs

1 glass of orange juice

Snack:

Sliced apples

1 glass of water

Mid-afternoon snack:

Turkey sandwich with a tablespoon of mayo, romaine leaves, 4 slices of turkey breast, 1 cheddar cheese on a white whole grain

1 glass of water

Snack:

Finished half of a Cheeze- it small packet.

Dinner (around 9pm… mom wanted to eat with me, so I gave in)

Ate two small fried fish with 1/2 cup of brown rice.

Cup of hot green tea

Well, hopefully, tomorrow I get to work on my belly. Hopefully I find a “fun” workout video in youtube and that I’d be motivated to sweat and be sore. I’ll probably start with a bowl of cinnamon oatmeal for breakfast. I hope that I’ll be motivated to work out.

OMG. Can you give me an advice to stick to my routine? Any fun work-out? I really don’t like running and walking. HOW DO YOU KEEP YOURSELF MOTIVATED?!