2: Don’t let him get you.

She dreamt of him last night again. This time, her dream was more vivid and longer than she ever had of him. She confronted him and poured all her stored anger on him. She felt her heart beat fast, making it difficult for her to breathe. She felt her blood burning in her veins, racing towards her cheeks and drowning her in heat. He approached her with his new girlfriend, Stella.

Her anger was rising, she couldn’t keep it anymore. She finally confronted him:

“Why did you leave? Why can’t you just leave me alone? After five years, after leaving me, look at me, I’m still crying over you. I can’t get you out of my mind. I still love you.”

He cried and said, “I know piccola. I miss you too. I want you back.”

The dream was so real, she didn’t want to leave. As soon as she told herself that she didn’t want to wake up because she knew it was only a dream, reality finally woke her up. She felt her heart racing and hoping that He was still in front of her, asking her to come back.

It was 2:30 am and she tried to doze off, but he was still in her mind. She tried to remember what her friend, Mandy, told her,

“Don’t let him get you. Every time you let him into your mind, your obsession of what he looks like or how he treated you, will forever trap you in that idealistic limbo. I know you’re hoping he’ll come back, but let’s face it honey, it’s been five years. Plus, you’re married. You’re married to Richard. You don’t want to be an obsessed b*tch.”

She looked away from the ceiling and saw Richard, sleeping peacefully next to her. She removed the sheets that separated him from her. She moved closer to him and found a spot on his warm chest. Richard unconsciously opened his arms to let her head rest on his chest. She watched him take several breaths and wondered what he could be dreaming. Cece felt a pang of guilt and tried her hardest to brush it all off by closing her eyes, but despite her effort, she hoped to dream of Him again.

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Day 8: 97% FOR-THE-WIN!

Ever since I declared my single status in Facebook, where all my friends actively participate in, it seems that my priorities have shifted gears. I noticed that my old posts were mainly about the seasonal exes I’ve dated, but now it’s about encouraging quotes for every day living. I’ve also noticed that I became inactive in participating in social activities that I used to be more accustomed to. Nowadays, I mainly bury myself in Nursing books, Anatomy books, Pharmacology dictionaries, and any medical articles that sparked my interest. I have been more interested in studying than partying or even dating. It seems that I find more security and excitement every time I manage to take home an excellent grade. However…

It was the hardest class I've had to deal with and I made it!

I know that quietly and behind my back, some of my classmates are intimidated of my brilliance. Whenever my Nursing teacher asks a question, usually, the first hand in the air belongs to me. I shoot her with answers that are etched clearly from my memory and sometimes things that she hasn’t discussed, but were taken from outside sources like optional readings of medical research. My main intention is not to brag about my answers (well part of me wants to), but to challenge myself and to test how much knowledge I have sustained since the beginning of the course. I really don’t like to brag, but I can feel that some of my classmates’ jealousy is starting to leak through their sarcastic remarks:

Ms. Michaels: “Does anyone else have any questions about opiod agonists?”

ME: “Ms. Michaels, I have a question.”

Mary: “Oh… Khristine, shut up!” said Mary, who laughed sarcastically and who sat right next to me.

ME: “We do know that there are parameters when dealing with opiods to a patient such as monitoring the client’s respiratory rate before and after administering the drug. However, I wonder, how can we include into the patient teaching, before dismissing the patient from the hospital, that they need to monitor for their respiratory rate? I mean… we can’t accurately monitor our own breathing because we know that we tend to breathe unnaturally fast when being monitored, so what do we do?”

Mary: “Shut up Khristine.” She whispered again and continued to text to her phone.

That wasn’t the only time she became sarcastic, but it’s starting to annoy me.

A day will come when I will tell her:

“Don’t you ‘shut up’ me, because I need to know things before I get my nursing license and before I kill a patient because of my ignorance. If you have a problem with me answering or asking questions because you have no clue what they are, put your side notes aside and start writing down important notes instead of texting.”

Every points count and always pay attention to details!

We all have haters and they are what keeps us stronger.

H.A.T.E.R.S. = Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success. Amen! 😀