Trust cannot be healed overnight.

117719-Quotes+about+trust+for+you+is+[Image taken]

One thing I’ve learned from dating and from being in relationships where there’s constant breakup and makeup is:

People don’t change overnight, particularly someone who has cheated. If you give someone a chance instantly with no amount of handwork to earn that one, last opportunity, chances are, he or she will cheat AGAIN. Why? Because that someone has grown accustomed to how you work things. They’re like bacteria that gets immune to antibiotics. If you keep on forgiving so EASILY, then you’ll let them predict you, know your flaws and how to get around you every time they screwed up.

I’ve noticed that with Ricky. I’ve told him things that bugged me and things that we needed to work on. I’ve gone to the point where I’ve threatened to leave him because he wasn’t changing. At first, he truly took things seriously and put the effort and remained constant, but eventually, he thought that I’ll always leave him because I say things that I don’t mean, so he always said “Okay” when I told him I’d break up with him. And he knew, the next day, I’d change my mind or he would go and put an effort in leaving me notes and romantic stuff, until he goes back to being the same: completely comfortable in his own shell.

People don’t change overnight.

When I got out of class today, I found a packet that was sitting on my windshield. Ricky drove all the way to my school and placed it there. In it was a two-page letter telling me how much he wants me back and he even made me a song and recorded it in a CD. He sang about how he screwed up and he asks me to give him a chance to “pick up the broken pieces.”

Aww, how sweet, but I’m NOT convinced.

You CANNOT earn someone’s trust overnight and you most definitely CANNOT CHANGE overnight. You may have the intention to change overnight, but to prove that you’ve changed will take time, meaning months and even years. I truly don’t care if Ricky has to wait that long for me to forgive and trust him again. If he can’t, well he’s not for me. If he claims that he wants to be that guy who deserves me, then he better prove it because I’m not changing my mind any time soon.

Everything he did to me: lied to me behind my back, lied in front of my face twice, and had the guts to have sex with women WILL NOT DISSIPATE OVERNIGHT. As a matter of fact, I cannot forget the image of him getting naked in front of the cam and telling a woman:

“I want to f*ck you so bad, my cam is open… you like doggystyle baby? 

“You’re incredible… maybe we can Skype sometime? 

“I think what everybody here looks for [is a] good looking girl and [a] good conversation….”

And in the letter he sent to me today, he said, “I assure you again that I never did it [live webchat] because I was unhappy with you in any way.” Oh yeah?! Then why was he in those chat rooms looking for “good looking girl[s] and good conversation?” Isn’t he better off finding girls to bang? Furthermore, he says, “It was just a perverted and wrongful way to pleasure myself.” REALLY?! I have no problem with him being perverted and watching the good ol’ porn, but why didn’t he let out all of his pervertion and his libido out on me? Because we’re both busy? I absolutely don’t think that’s a good reason. He lives 10 minutes away from me, according to him, that was one of the reasons why I should date him in the first place. I’m not going to let all of this pass so easily.

What hurts more is I love him so much and miss being in his arms, but a side of my brain automatically turns on my emotional -defense mechanism. My mind constantly reminds me the awful sex chat I’ve read with apparently, one of the woman he constantly had sexual interactions with:

Woman: hi my sexy man

Woman: miss you

Woman: mmmm you so hot always

Ricky: hey there

Ricky: it’s been awhile

Ricky: love to see your sexy self again

Woman: mmmm

Woman: you make me horny

Woman: want you

Ricky: i can’t do pvt (private message) tonight

Ricky: is tip okay?

Woman: oki love

Woman: maybe Skype?

Woman: come to me my hot man

Woman: you make my nipples hard

Woman: want see?

Ricky: maybe I can see you naked here in public

Ricky: hell yes!

Woman: I will do it for boobs

Ricky: That’s perfect!

Ricky: I want you so bad

Woman: I want you

Ricky: Your smile drives me crazy

Woman: mmmmmmmmmm you make me crazy too

Ricky: wish you could ride me

Ricky: i’m so hard for you

Woman: mmmmmmmm i like when you are hard for me

My desire to love and trust has vanished. I cannot trust Ricky and his motives. I will always assume that he has other accounts that I don’t know about, just like that Skype account he created in part of the live sex chat account. It makes me angry that he could do all this so easily and expect me to forgive him just because he recorded me a song.

The biggest mistake that anyone could ever have, is to break someone else’s heart, who’s been through a lot from dating A*holes and has put all their effort to take a leap of faith, no matter how scary it was to get into a relationship.

I slept so soundly last night. My mind, body and soul had to rest and I wish I could go back to bed. But each day is another day.


6 thoughts on “Trust cannot be healed overnight.

  1. I just read all three of these posts, and my heart is aching for you. I know all to well the feeling of betrayal.. maybe not exactly the same circumstances, but it fucking kills. what he did was wrong, and he doesn’t DESERVE you to just forgive him that easily. He has a lot of hard work ahead of him.. and whatever decision you DO make regarding him and your relationship, remember you’re STRONG. .

    UGH I wish I could just HUG you right now,

    • Awww!!! Thank you so much for reading all three of them! I feel guilty that I haven’t been actively posting in here and I only post when I’m feeling down 😦 It’s sad with what became of my blog. It was originally made to inspire me and other people, but like my love life, it’s all become a huge wreck. I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel very angry and there is no way that I want to see him right now. I feel really disgusted with what he did. For each day that pass, I feel better and I’m starting to like the fact the I’m single. I wouldn’t worry about how I could adjust myself to his free time so that I could see him. Now, I’m just realizing that I have all the time in my hands and I can pace myself without having the pressure that, “Oh… I have to do all this so that I could see him later.” For once, I want to be the one who would no longer adjust to his time or to anyone else’s time.

      Anyways, it’s really nice to hear from you! Your responses have always made me smile and you are very encouraging! I hope everything is going well with you! Do you have a new blog?

      • GIRL, don’t ever feel guilty with what you do with YOUR blog and your space. it’s yours, and it’s here for you to do with what is convenient and what comes. you can’t force it, you cant make it something it’s not, and it’s not here for other people, it’s here for YOU. I’m sure it’ll get easier day by day, and if you don’t go BACK.. you’ll eventually find someone when the time is right who doesn’t make you feel like you’re not worth their time.. who will WANT to give you as much of their time as they can.. who will make it YOUR time.
        you’re amazing. remember that. and you’re strong. all of us women are STRONG, and take care of yourself FIRST right now.

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