I make a dozen excuses when friends invite me to go out:
I have to wake up early.
I couldn’t reply because I’ve lost my phone.
I am studying very hard for a test. (not really)
I have to pick up my mom from work.
I am very sick.
The REAL reasons why I hesitate to go out:
Because I don’t like to get drunk, no one’s going to drive me home.
Because I don’t have enough money to go bar hopping.
Because those “friends” are intolerably annoying and BORING.
Because the only way I can have fun with them is by drinking alcohol.
Because I simply don’t like to get ready, dress up and go.
Because I’m lazy to drive.
Because I don’t want to be alone. I want to bring Ricky.
The last reason shows how dependent I am with Ricky. That’s bad. When Ricky and I were still friends, I would go to parties alone. I didn’t rely on a boyfriend to come with me. I didn’t really care who was there and I didn’t care if I didn’t have fun. All I wanted was a company of people. Now that I’m dating Ricky, I became skeptical of people and almost dependent on him. I always think that I wouldn’t enjoy anyone’s company without Ricky. I felt so alone and vulnerable when Ricky wasn’t there. It was really awful.
So today, I am supposed to go to my friends’ house. I haven’t talked to any of them in four months after they all forgot my birthday. I almost bailed out on them [again] because Ricky wouldn’t be there. However, I challenged myself to make an effort to be happy alone and to claim that individuality I’ve lost while dating Ricky. I have to make my own friends- separate from Ricky’s guy pack. Hopefully, I am a lot more tolerable with my friends as I tend to be a lot sensitive than usual.