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I make a dozen excuses when friends invite me to go out:

I’m busy.

I’m working.

I have to wake up early.

I couldn’t reply because I’ve lost my phone.

I am studying very hard for a test.  (not really)

I have to pick up my mom from work.

I am very sick.

The REAL reasons why I hesitate to go out:

Because I don’t like to get drunk, no one’s going to drive me home.

Because I don’t have enough money to go bar hopping.

Because those “friends” are intolerably annoying and BORING.

Because the only way I can have fun with them is by drinking alcohol.

Because I simply don’t like to get ready, dress up and go.

Because I’m lazy to drive.

And…

Because I don’t want to be alone. I want to bring Ricky.

The last reason shows how dependent I am with Ricky. That’s bad. When Ricky and I were still friends, I would go to parties alone. I didn’t rely on a boyfriend to come with me. I didn’t really care who was there and I didn’t care if I didn’t have fun. All I wanted was a company of people. Now that I’m dating Ricky, I became skeptical of people and almost dependent on him. I always think that I wouldn’t enjoy anyone’s company without Ricky. I felt so alone and vulnerable when Ricky wasn’t there. It was really awful.

So today, I am supposed to go to my friends’ house. I haven’t talked to any of them in four months after they all forgot my birthday. I almost bailed out on them [again] because Ricky wouldn’t be there. However, I challenged myself to make an effort to be happy alone and to claim that individuality I’ve lost while dating Ricky. I have to make my own friends- separate from Ricky’s guy pack. Hopefully, I am a lot more tolerable with my friends as I tend to be a lot sensitive than usual.

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