Day 34: Meet my new friend

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The question I’ve been asking myself lately:

Why do I waste my time for people who don’t value my effort to get in touch with them?

Why should I pursue them to fill the ‘void’ of emptiness inside me?

Do I really need friends?”

Indeed, “No man is an island.” However, it is possible that you can be your own man in your own island. Besides, at the end of the day, who can solve all your problems? Sure, you look for guidance in God or for what religion you believe in, but who fixes it all in the end? You, not your parents, not your friends, no one else, but you.

You are your own hero. Do we have to wait for someone to motivate us to change? Do we need to find someone to fill that void we feel inside? Do we have to be around people to make us happy? Of course not! Change should start within us. Hope should blossom in ourselves. We should find happiness in ourselves because it’s permanent and it’s stable.

All of this that I have mentioned, came to me in one, quick blow while I was showering this morning. It felt like it was a revelation initiated by an invisible baseball bat that made me break from what I previously believed in: I need friends because they make me happy. In that moment, in the shower, I felt like I was indeed all on my own:

I am my own best friend,

I am my own hero,

It’s me against the world.

Although, you might think I’m skeptical and distrustful of people, you’re wrong. I know there is good in people, but I can’t rely on anyone to be in their good side all the time. I can’t rely on anyone to be by my side when the tides of darkness suddenly comes hurling in my life. I need to stand – fully armed and head strong – when things get rough. If someone is next to me, then I’ll be happy, but I won’t require an army of ‘nobody’ to stand there with me, because it only takes one person to finish it. It’s my problem, it’s my life and it’s all mine.

Before I end this post, I want to make an oath to myself:

I, Khristine, promises myself that I am perfectly happy with or without any friends. I am fully accepting that I cannot convince everybody to be my friend. I am no longer seeking for people to fill the empty void inside me. I take full responsibility in providing love, security, happiness and hope for myself. Finally, I am going to accept my imperfections for being an insufficient friend to some and start establishing friendship with myself even if it takes a thousand million tries.

This is the beginning of a new friendship with me 😀

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