Day 30: Trough.


[Image taken]

I have this feeling again.

I can’t breathe.

My heart is pounding so hard and a lot of things are going through my mind.

My doubts and insecurities are eating me alive:

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to get into the RN- program since I failed the entrance exam.”

“I’m so dumb in Math… I can’t even calculate simple fractions and decimals without a calculator!”

“I feel bad that Ricky is supporting me with… everything. I feel like a huge burden to him.”

“I hate myself… why do I have to be like this.”

“I don’t know why I keep pushing people out of my life.”

“I want people to like me.”

“I feel so ugly.”

“I feel so fat with this belly.”

“Why can’t I be as perfect as Jennifer Lawrence?”

“I want to be someone but how do I become one?”

“I dream so much and all I do is make them up.”

“Am I going to be a really good nurse someday?”

“What if I kill someone -accidentally?”

“What if Ricky finds someone better than me?”

“Am I a snob?”

“I am such a two-face:

“I appear to be happy, but I’m depressed just like everyone else I know who’s running to me for advice.”

I know that I have to remember to love myself, but it’s getting harder to be me. I wish that for a month, I could be happy.

I think it’s getting dim in my side of the world. I have to switch the lights on before I lose myself completely.


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