I have this feeling again.
I can’t breathe.
My heart is pounding so hard and a lot of things are going through my mind.
My doubts and insecurities are eating me alive:
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to get into the RN- program since I failed the entrance exam.”
“I’m so dumb in Math… I can’t even calculate simple fractions and decimals without a calculator!”
“I feel bad that Ricky is supporting me with… everything. I feel like a huge burden to him.”
“I hate myself… why do I have to be like this.”
“I don’t know why I keep pushing people out of my life.”
“I want people to like me.”
“I feel so ugly.”
“I feel so fat with this belly.”
“Why can’t I be as perfect as Jennifer Lawrence?”
“I want to be someone but how do I become one?”
“I dream so much and all I do is make them up.”
“Am I going to be a really good nurse someday?”
“What if I kill someone -accidentally?”
“What if Ricky finds someone better than me?”
“Am I a snob?”
“I am such a two-face:
“I appear to be happy, but I’m depressed just like everyone else I know who’s running to me for advice.”
I know that I have to remember to love myself, but it’s getting harder to be me. I wish that for a month, I could be happy.
I think it’s getting dim in my side of the world. I have to switch the lights on before I lose myself completely.