Lately, I realized that I have been quite antisocial. You’ll probably notice it since I’m writing more in my blog these days. I guess it seems a lot easier to express my thoughts here than to socialize with any of my friends and deal with their BS (bad situations). (Random: Also, I’m trying my hardest not to cuss here because it sounds filthy reading harsh words you know?)
I admit that I haven’t been a friend to anyone, but I have my own problems too and goals I’d like to finish. I will selfishly admit that I would rather craft, sell my jewelries, study, spend time with my family and laugh at Ricky’s jokes more than getting plastered by people who calls me “Asian Barbie Bitch” or spend time with worse drama queens who cannot do anything about their pathetic problems but complain and complain and… complain.
It’s sad, but when they text or call, I don’t answer anymore.
I used to be a friend to all and wanted friends. I ignored their sarcastic jokes on me:
“Wow, I smell something fishy down here. Oh it’s only you Khristine.”
“Prostitution? Oh I bet it flows naturally in you Khristine, your people are good in that, aren’t they?”
“Here have these depends (old people’s diapers) as my secret Santa gift for you because you passed your nursing boards.”
(I know they were joking at that time, but to me, it wasn’t a joke anymore.)
Or the insulting whine of a clingy drama queen:
“You aren’t being a friend because you aren’t picking up your phone and I’m having an emotional [mental] break-down right now! I don’t think there’s much change or effort as a friend, on your end.”
Wow. Before you judge me, THESE people above never recognized any of my effort when they needed me.
I was there when their car got towed and drove them to places. I was there when they threw [sad] birthday parties and [lame] house warming parties at their new homes. I was there to cheer up drama queens when they had problems about their exes and invited them to get togethers just so they won’t feel alone (even though the people didn’t like their ‘weirdness’). I was there putting every effort when I can and this is what I get… insulted and treated like I didn’t do anything. When in question, did they even do anything for me in return? I never asked them to, but honestly, I’m done. I don’t care if I live life having no friends.
I don’t even care if I only meet acquaintances. I think as a matter of fact, I’d rather have friends with no strings attached (Hah! funny how establishing friendships is almost like establishing intimate relationships… oh the irony!).
So despite me being antisocial and being picky with whoever I choose to hang out with, I still challenge myself to meet new people, even if I’ll meet acquaintances. I’d rather meet people who share the same hobbies as me instead of drinking our problems away. Today, I’m challenging myself to go to a local crafting club that I was able to find through Meetup. I feel intimated because I’m not a crafting expert, but hey! This is a chance to learn from the pros!
So yeah, despite my negative perspective on my so-called friends, I’m not giving up on socializing. For once, I’d like to do something for me because I know that establishing a great friendship with myself won’t make me disappointed in the end.
I’m going to be my OWN BEST FRIEND.
Instead of being pissed off for the rest of the day, I’d like to: