I never considered myself as the loyal, well-mannered and kind daughter to my parents.
I mean, yes I do what they asked me to do (most of the time), but I feel like I haven’t given them enough love, respect and time. Recently, I feel like I have to hold onto my parents as if I’m going to lose them tomorrow. I thought I’d deal with that feeling when I grow older, but somehow, I’m dealing with it right now.
Ever since my grand mom (mother’s mom) died last year and my grand pa (father’s dad) is currently suffering from terminal cancer, I have been thinking a lot about death. Death is unavoidable and we all go through it, but it’s scary. It’s scary to think that the people you once spent time with can easily be taken away by death. It’s scary that as time goes by and for every one additional candle you blow out on your birthday cake, there is someone (or a few) you care the most (or less), who die within that year. As you grow older, the people you know slowly disappear. It’s even scarier to put yourself in your parent’s shoes and feel that utter pain of loss.
Recently, I’ve been feeling a lot more emotional and more sensitive to my parent’s feelings. They don’t show it much, but I know they are scared and are still in denial that their parents are either dying or already dead. I think it’s harder for me to accept the concept of death, maybe because I haven’t been living life to the fullest. But with the thought of growing older, my parents becoming weaker, it pains me to see that future when I’m in the exact shoes that my parents are in right now. I don’t think I’m ready to lose my parents. I’m not. I really AM NOT!
Today, my father went back to the Philippines for a month to spend it with his dad. I honestly feel very scared that tomorrow might take away my father (KNOCKS ON WOOD) and I would be thousands of miles away from him. Before he left, I kissed his cheek more than I used to and hugged him tighter. I told him to come home as fast as he can and to take care of himself. I don’t want to lose any of parents right now. I am not ready. I AM NOT.
Last weekend was Ricky and I’s anniversary and we both spent it together. I partially regret that I could have spent it with my dad, my mom and my brother but I didn’t. I felt like I spent less time with them and I haven’t been putting that much effort. This feeling sickens me.
I feel like numbing myself with vanity obsessions like watching make-up videos and reading fashion blogs to distract myself from reality, but it gets worse. I started to think that people are so caught up with materialistic needs that they let time pass so easily. They embrace their own vanity on superficial things and pride themselves above others and they don’t realize that there is nothing important in life than the love that you obtain from your family and your loved once. Sadly, I’m one of them. We pay so much attention to iPhones, e-mails, work schedules and designer clothing when we couldn’t even sit and write a nice hand written letter to our loved ones. Life is too precious to let it pass away with things that don’t last you a lifetime.
Life is truly short. Time passes by so quickly. You only live once and you only die once.
Love the people who stood by with you the most.
Above all things,
Thank your parents for all they’ve done. Without them,
You wouldn’t be here reading this post.
As one year adds to my age, another year is slowly being taken from my parents.
I won’t let time take away anything from me without cherishing every second of it. From now on, I’m going to try my best and spend more time with my family. Friends can wait. Family matters.