Day 31: iLoveMe

[Image taken]

This week has been very crazy!!! It was probably one of the most challenging obstacles that Ricky and I faced so far. Somehow, I’m very glad that we’re still together and happily compromising with certain issues. I can’t say that everything will flow smoothly from now on and I can’t say that we will not have any big fights to the point of breaking up in the future, but I can say that at this very moment, we are both happy. I am very happy that I have realized how much I love Ricky more than an ex. There are so many things that I’ve learned since May and it seems appropriate to start over again, this time, with only Ricky and I without an ex threatening to break our relationship, cherishing friends that matter and lastly, giving focus on my own needs too.

I realized that exes cannot be friends unless you’ve ultimately lost every inch of affection and interest with them. Beppe was a friend to Ricky and I but more so with me as we’ve been intimately attached before. I thought keeping a friendship with him would ease things out between us, but I’ve realized that we’ve put ourselves in that category because of the slight hope that maybe in the future, we’ll be together. Two years have gone by since we ended our relationship and we have moved on with new relationships. Things worked out differently for the best.

Also, I realized that over the past few months, I’ve seen friends that come and friends that go. I’ve reconnected with old friends from high school and friends that I’ve been out of touch with, but are still there despite our busy schedules. I’ve also cut ties with friends that were insignificant, met a few that are still being ‘tested’ and some that are on the sidelines.  I think that at this point in time, I don’t really care whoever stays or who don’t stay. From now on, I’ll let things be because somehow, things happen the way they are suppose to, when we don’t put emphasis on changing things.

I think one of the biggest issues that started to affect my relationship with Ricky is the fact that I’ve lost touch with my own individuality. I’ve been so focused on Ricky and to our relationship that I haven’t done things to please myself. I used to craft accessories, a hobby that I have been very passionate with, but was unable to continue because I became rather lazy. I haven’t been focusing on my studies as much because I’ve always wanted to go out to places with Ricky or to procrastinate as much as I can. I started feeling insecure, unsatisfied, unhappy and harder to please. I haven’t been keeping up with my own needs and it’s quite frightening, because I could lose myself in a relationship and if I let that happen, I do not only destroy myself with my insecurities, but also the relationship I share with Ricky that has so much potential. So I figured, maybe my own blog can help me. Maybe from now on, I do not only blog about my own thoughts but also the things that I am more passionate about: crafting accessories, writing poems, reading books and taking pictures- you know, the things that I enjoy and the things that makes me love my own self. After all, isn’t this blog about starting and keeping a personal relationship with myself?

So, for the next chapter(s), I’d like to really focus on the real essence of this blog: iLoveMe.

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