Day 16: Just hear me out okay?!

Ricky has been utterly busy with working and classes. In the other hand, I have been… unproductive. Well, not because I’ve officially enlisted myself as a bum. No, of course nothing like that! It’s just that, I recently graduated and I’m only studying for my licensure exam. So technically, while Ricky and the other college kids are back to school, I’m the opposite: I’m on vacation. With that being said, there are quite a few conflicts between Ricky and I. Mainly, the fact that he’s busy.

 

First of all, I have to share Ricky’s side, not only mine. I understand that he is taking about 12 or more credits and he’s working part time as a lab technician in a hospital. He is very responsible and he makes sure that all his free time is devoted for studying. Occasionally, we party, but that is limited, since his schedule is hectic. He works in the weekends and he sometimes has the weekend off… I think almost once a month. So as you can see, Khristine time is limited and Khristine is becoming quite needy.

 

I hate that feeling… to need, to feel needy of someone’s attention and affection. It sounds like I’m clingy and obsessed. It’s totally a disgusting feeling, but I can’t help it. Sometimes I considered getting the attention I want from guys who I’ve been flirting with through texts. But I didn’t want to hurt Ricky. It’s just… I couldn’t do it. I can’t cheat on him because I love him that much! I had dreams of cheating on him but it ended up being nightmares of losing him and not being able to get him back. I am that scared of losing Ricky. He pisses me off so much, but he’s taken my heart. I can’t lose him because I know that it’ll be the biggest mistake I’ll ever commit.

I talk like I adore him right now, but earlier, I could have sworn I wanted him out of my life.

 

Earlier today, Ricky and I agreed to study at the campus’ Starbucks (which is opened 24/7!). We started studying around 3 and by 6, I wanted his attention. I wanted a “break.” Not a smoke break and not just a break from studying, but a break to “cuddle.” I am a woman and I do have needs. I wanted us to go back to his place and possibly continue our studying there.

 

Ricky hesitated and promised that when he finished the chapter that he’s studying, we are going to go cuddle. Apparently, time is ticking. I have to work at 9pm! By the time the clock strikes 7:30, my patience was running thin. I want Khristine time now.

 

Unfortunately, things didn’t turn out great tonight. I wanted to have a break from him. I feel like our relationship lacks spontaneity. I know he’s got responsibilities, but I just wanted a 30 min cuddle time with him and he can do whatever studying he wants after that. But in the end, I didn’t get what I wanted.

 

There were several attempts I’ve tried to spice things up: sent him e-mails which he reads immediately through his iPhone and forgets what it is about (gave up on that), tried to be spontaneous by cooking him lunch which he wasn’t able to eat because he didn’t had enough time to eat it (I gave that one to his friend), and now, I want to be spontaneous romantically and it has been unsuccessful.

 

I know he’s just busy. I’ve tried my hardest to get myself busy too by meeting up with other friends and what not, but all I ever wanted from Ricky was a 30 minute cuddle time! Can you not see?! That’s all I wanted!

 

UGH.

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10 thoughts on “Day 16: Just hear me out okay?!

  1. UGH I feel for you lady. Lately donny goes from working on his car.. RIGHT to work. I get that he needs to get this car finished by the end of the month.. but it makes me CRAZY that we never have any US time..
    I talked to him about how much it bugged me.. and he’s made a bit more time.. which I take what I can.
    Have you tried sitting down with him and having him see YOUR side?
    that your RELATIONSHIP needs a bit of his attention too…
    ID CUDDLE YOU IF I WAS CLOSER hahaha

    • Hahaha… well I sort of threw a fit at him which I felt so bad. I just felt so unwanted at that time, that’s why I did that. The next morning, he surprised me with kitkat, a $25.00 giftcard to my favorite craft store, and then wrote me a letter apologizing. I honestly wasn’t asking for him to “bribe” me with all that but he said, it’s his way of telling me that when he can, he tries his very best to make me happy. His little surprise sure did make me smile 😀

      Anyways, men will always be men. It seems that from your Instagram pics, Donny does look very busy with that car. I hope he’s been giving you some attention even before sleeping 😉 Maybe you can make him promise to have an alone time when he finishes that car. It’s a good reward for him and for you as well!

      We’re such supportive girlfriends and I think that’s what they love about us 😉 Hang in there!

  2. A 24/7 Starbucks. Holy.crap. Too good to be true!

    Wow, girl, you have yourself one busy boyfriend. And you are so supportive so kudos to you for that! I wish you two the best. (:

    (Sorry I don’t have any soul-searching advice for you. Frankly, I’ve never been in your situation. Actually I’ve been in his situation a number of times, and usually end up sacrificing myself and my needs for another person (not necessarily the boyf, either). That doesn’t work, believe me.)

    • Hehhe yeahh!!! We have a starbucks 24/7 in the university campus. It’s sooo kewl 😀

      But yeah… it sure is stuff to be really supportive and sometimes I can’t help be a cry baby. I just wish I’m that busy like him so I won’t be complaining as much. Oh well… that’s life.

  3. Pingback: Day 19: A tap on the shoulder « iloveME.

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