Ricky has been utterly busy with working and classes. In the other hand, I have been… unproductive. Well, not because I’ve officially enlisted myself as a bum. No, of course nothing like that! It’s just that, I recently graduated and I’m only studying for my licensure exam. So technically, while Ricky and the other college kids are back to school, I’m the opposite: I’m on vacation. With that being said, there are quite a few conflicts between Ricky and I. Mainly, the fact that he’s busy.
First of all, I have to share Ricky’s side, not only mine. I understand that he is taking about 12 or more credits and he’s working part time as a lab technician in a hospital. He is very responsible and he makes sure that all his free time is devoted for studying. Occasionally, we party, but that is limited, since his schedule is hectic. He works in the weekends and he sometimes has the weekend off… I think almost once a month. So as you can see, Khristine time is limited and Khristine is becoming quite needy.
I hate that feeling… to need, to feel needy of someone’s attention and affection. It sounds like I’m clingy and obsessed. It’s totally a disgusting feeling, but I can’t help it. Sometimes I considered getting the attention I want from guys who I’ve been flirting with through texts. But I didn’t want to hurt Ricky. It’s just… I couldn’t do it. I can’t cheat on him because I love him that much! I had dreams of cheating on him but it ended up being nightmares of losing him and not being able to get him back. I am that scared of losing Ricky. He pisses me off so much, but he’s taken my heart. I can’t lose him because I know that it’ll be the biggest mistake I’ll ever commit.
I talk like I adore him right now, but earlier, I could have sworn I wanted him out of my life.
Earlier today, Ricky and I agreed to study at the campus’ Starbucks (which is opened 24/7!). We started studying around 3 and by 6, I wanted his attention. I wanted a “break.” Not a smoke break and not just a break from studying, but a break to “cuddle.” I am a woman and I do have needs. I wanted us to go back to his place and possibly continue our studying there.
Ricky hesitated and promised that when he finished the chapter that he’s studying, we are going to go cuddle. Apparently, time is ticking. I have to work at 9pm! By the time the clock strikes 7:30, my patience was running thin. I want Khristine time now.
Unfortunately, things didn’t turn out great tonight. I wanted to have a break from him. I feel like our relationship lacks spontaneity. I know he’s got responsibilities, but I just wanted a 30 min cuddle time with him and he can do whatever studying he wants after that. But in the end, I didn’t get what I wanted.
There were several attempts I’ve tried to spice things up: sent him e-mails which he reads immediately through his iPhone and forgets what it is about (gave up on that), tried to be spontaneous by cooking him lunch which he wasn’t able to eat because he didn’t had enough time to eat it (I gave that one to his friend), and now, I want to be spontaneous romantically and it has been unsuccessful.
I know he’s just busy. I’ve tried my hardest to get myself busy too by meeting up with other friends and what not, but all I ever wanted from Ricky was a 30 minute cuddle time! Can you not see?! That’s all I wanted!