My Facebook friends and the others who have connected with me through Instagram, have the misconception that I am the happiest person alive at this moment. Probably it’s because I’ve been posting pictures of my recent graduation pictures (Yes! I’ve passed the exam I failed), my latest achievement with Ricky on keeping our relationship for 7 months (wow, time passed since the day when we took a major turn from our friendship to lovers), and pictures of my late night drunken hang outs with friends.
It sounds like I am very happy, but why is it that I feel so sad inside? I feel alone and lonely.
Despite my achievements and having to find the guy I’ve been so in love with, I don’t seem to have any luck with the friendship part of my life. It’s nice to say that I’ve gone out on bars and clubs every weekend with so-called friends, but I’ve come to slowly realize that people only seem to hang out with me when I’m in my best side: when I’m stumbling around drunk and making people laugh because my randomness and drunkenness are highly entertaining. It seems that when people wants to throw a party, go to a bar or a club, it’s almost a necessity that I’m there. Don’t get me wrong, I like the VIP treatment, but when they have regular hang outs without having the involvement of alcohol, my name seem to disappear in their contact list.
Am I that lame when I’m stone-cold sober?
What triggered my realization to this assumption is when one of my friends (per se), An, invited me to her birthday party and begged for me to drink when I didn’t want to.
She said, “Khristine, you should drink! You’re so fun when you’re drunk!”
Like motha- effer. She said that to me last May and I cannot forget that. She thinks I’m only fun when I’m drinking hard core because of how I’m making a fool of myself? Seriously, am I only over-reacting or what? She never called me when I’m sober. She never invited me to go out and do something. What do we have in common really? Oh yeah… we both love drinking alcohol. EFF.
Another scenario like this happened when two of my so-called good Filipina gal-friends, Min and Jen, almost always invited me to go out clubbing or go drinking at their house. It’s awesome being drunk with them because I’m free to speak or share funny jokes in my language. But what disappointed me is that when they are doing the most sober things such as watching a movie, I don’t hear a phone call from them. What’s worse is, when I wanted to go out clubbing with them, they give me BS excuses on how they have plans when it turns out that they recently have boyfriends and no one even told me about them.
Damn, I feel special.
I wish I could just have a (girl) friend or two who likes to do activities that doesn’t involve burning our livers with alcohol. I enjoy watching movies, going shopping (even if it only involves window-shopping), doing our nails together, gossiping, cooking, running. I wish I have a friend who’s a girl because I’ve got too many guy friends who likes to do so much more than drinking.
Ugh. I have so many things to be happy for, I know. But knowing that I can’t have decent friends to go to when I’m down (besides Ricky), it makes me feel quite lonely.
So… if you’re a girl, tell me… what’s your secret in having girl-friends?