Yep. The heading says it all.
I don’t really know why I failed my final – the long awaited exit exam. I’ve taken a plethora of standarized tests that I hoped so hard to prepare me for the comprehensive exit test. By plethora, I meant A LOT. In the month of July, I have taken 3 tests every week. Three of those were comprehensive tests of each course material such as pharmacology, medical surgery and fundamentals of nursing. I passed every single one of them: above average. So what I don’t understand is why the hell did I fail the big test that I thought I’ve worked so hard to study for? WHY DID I FAIL?!
All my summer, I’ve studied nonstop just to pass all those tests. Each week, I craved to stay out, run and enjoy the heat of summer, but I had to keep moving forward. I had to! It was a long year of nursing program with nonstop lecture days and with no winter or spring breaks! Can you imagine me studying for a test on a spring break, when all my college friends are enjoying their time drowning their guts with alcohol? I keep telling myself, “This is for my future. This is for my future. Alcohol and games can wait.” But now that I’m in the end, I’m all burnt out. My head is slowing eating itself, “I need alcohol. I need alcohol. I need to chill.” I’m really tired of studying you know?
Maybe that’s why I failed the big test that I confidently thought I would pass. I didn’t feel like opening my books or studying like I was hungry to learn. I was sick of studying. It feels like whenever I highlight important ideas, which I found helpful for memory, was no longer living up to its own magic. I felt like my brain just wants to shut itself down and it can no longer think. I am very lazy to read, to write and to even understand what’s in the context. So maybe that’s why I failed. I didn’t give my very best. But you know, I think I fought so hard and gave my best earlier in July that my strength and valor has been depleted. My brain power is in battery low. Literally speaking.
Since my program director is very forgiving, she let me retake my test with a price of $100.00. What a rip off right? Bless her heart. Oh well, I just need to pass my damn exit test so I can go ahead and punish the living hell out of the NCLEX boarding exam. Then, maybe I can fully rest and stop ranting on and on.
But really, I can’t believe I failed my comprehensive test. It just puts me back to reading my textbooks and notes. UGH. Please let this torture be done?
Pray for me that I may pass my retake test. Please?