I’ve never experienced dating a good friend. From friends to lovers, it seemed almost remotely impossible to let that happen, but it does happen. Ricky, who has been my best friend, is currently my boyfriend. Transitioning from friends to lovers can be quite challenging as there are boundaries, roles and placements that need to be brought into each other’s attention for clarity. However,
Friends who have seen Ricky and I as goody-good pals aren’t quite used to or at least enthralled by the fact that we are officially, intimately dating. A friend in particular, An, has been nearly surprised of our change in relationship status and of the reason why we didn’t tell her first before Facebook informed her. I admitted to her, half-honestly, that it’s because she might find it strange that Ricky and I are dating, when the real reason is that she’s insignificant to get first-hand updates about my life— about my Ricky. Faith, who have been my closest friend, is the only exception. She knew about me- crushing on Ricky- way before Ricky and I became official. An, whom I thought to be a good friend, is now whom I call: a friend who find interest in my life if it involves a good gossip and who likes to treat me as her punching-bag in regards to her love-hate relationship with her best friend, Christian. Although I tend to be nice, despite my disliking of An, in hopes of still having her as Ricky and I’s good friend, I’ve invited her to spend a lunch-date with us and not have her feel like a third-wheel. I didn’t think it’ll be that bad until, she sat in the wrong seat.
To be specific, when I mean, “seat,” it meant the passenger’s seat of Ricky’s car. We have all agreed to take Ricky’s car and have him and An pick me up from my house. When they got to my house, as I walked by Ricky’s car, it didn’t really occur to me that An was sitting at the passenger’s seat while I was sitting quietly in the back. Ricky and An were chatting on some random crap as usual and I somehow felt like a third-wheel, trying to get into the conversation. It’s quite ironic because I was trying to not have An feel like she is a third-wheel, when I’m the girlfriend who isn’t suppose to feel like I’m a cock-blocker. You probably think it’s not a big deal, but it is. The girlfriend takes shotgun no matter what. I’m no longer that Khristine, or in other words, Ricky’s friend. I’m Ricky’s girlfriend and I CALL SHOTGUN.
In hopes to rationalize the matter, I asked my older sister, Lorraine’s, feedback in regards to the passenger’s seat issue.
Me: “So… I nearly broke up with Ricky last night because our friend An was being a cock-blocker and for sitting in front of the passenger’s seat. I mean… it’s just frustrating because I think I have the right to claim that seat since I’m no longer Ricky’s friend, but his girlfriend. So, I’m wondering if I overreacted or if girlfriends really do have the right on that seat.”
Lorraine: “Gee… yeah, you’re suppose to be sitting there. Did she not offer you to sit there?”
Me: “Uhh… no! She just sat there and I felt like we were all just friends. I didn’t feel like I was the girlfriend.”
Lorraine: “The passenger’s seat should always be reserved for a girlfriend or boyfriend over other friends. First come first served basis doesn’t apply to it either. The lover’s got the right to claim that spot!”
Me: “Yeah, I told Ricky last night, would he like it if I drove and my friend Chris, sat in the passenger’s seat and he sat in the back seat? I’d be chatting to Chris easily because he’s in the front seat. Like… wouldn’t Ricky feel like a third-wheel and only a friend?”
Lorraine: “What did he say?”
Me: “He understood where I was coming from and apologized that it happened. He just didn’t think it was a big deal until I told him. Also, he thinks that he tried not to leave out An since we were all still friends.”
Lorraine: “Through Ricky’s point-of-view, he’s nice enough not to make An feel like she’s a third-wheel, but you know, since he seemed to be inexperienced about being in a relationship, he’s still learning. At least now he knows that girlfriends call shot gun. Also, since you two were at that point where An is already sitting there, you and Ricky probably had no choice but to let her there. Your friend should have the initiative to move.”
Me: “I felt bad because I proposed a break-up because it seemed like we don’t know how to be in a relationship and we don’t know how to become lovers instead of friends.”
Lorraine: “Yeah, you didn’t have to go all out on that, it’s only a small thing. The reason why couples break up back in forth because they think it’s unfair that they’ve been treated insignificantly. They think breaking-up is the best way to get back on that person. It’s not. That’s why things in relationships start to mess up. I guess you felt that Ricky treated you insignificant that’s why you proposed that?”
Me: “Yeah… but also I had my reason. If I didn’t propose him a breakup, he’ll just push it off and think I’m overreacting. I wanted his full attention and I got it.”
Lorraine: “Ahh, well… maybe there’s another way you can do that without having to propose an ultimatum.”
Me: “I guess so.”
When you’re in a relationship with your good friend, things change. You’re no longer sitting in the back-seat of someone else’s life as a friend, but you’re in it: in the passenger’s seat, riding with that person you’re in love with. Roles and boundaries in relationships will clearly emerge once you fight for your spot in a person’s life. Once you become a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you become the co-pilot, the A-list passenger, and the one who’s got the right to call “SHOTGUN” even if it’s implied.
If you do not agree with me, read here for the Official Shotgun RULES! Yes, the only exception for the shotgun rules are SIGNIFICANT OTHERS. I WIN!