Day 25: Ignorance is bliss.

My head is spinning around and I am in so much stress. Sometimes it’s better to be unaware of what’s going on around you. What you don’t know, won’t kill you as the saying goes. I’ve heard “Ignorance is bliss,” so many times before and I wonder what it meant. Recently, I found out from Ricky, that it’s better not to know things, specifically reality, because it keeps you happier and less stressful. Just look at my brother who’s 20 years old:  he stays at home, plays WOW all day long and he is problem-free. I’m 21 and I feel like I’m 26. Sometimes I wish I could just be happier with one or two problems but life throws me five more. Growing up is hard.

Taken from: vistraproblems.com

I don’t know where to start. It seems that as soon as 2012 started, a plethora of problems rushed in- one after the other. It all started with my grandma who was diagnosed of stage 4 Lung Cancer. It surprised my mom because my grandma never smoked, but I had a suspicion that she could have been drinking which could have affected her liver, kidneys, heart and eventually her lungs. She was diagnosed in the Philippines and I personally think the doctors who diagnosed her were all incompetent. My grandma has been in and out of appointments for months and she complained of chronic fever, weakness, etc. She even had a chest x-ray and the doctors told her that she was normal until 6 months later, she was diagnosed of cancer. I’m angry because the doctors back home didn’t do the best they can to diagnose my grandma’s cancer soon. I’m pretty pissed off because my mom has to go back home to the Philippines for a month and I have to take her work shifts on top of my school work and internship in the hospital. I’m wildly pissed off because I hate this change and I hate this small, spontaneous disturbance in my schedule. I know we all have problems but it has been piling up and I don’t know where all of them are coming from.

My problems doesn’t stop there. My sister Luisa, who is 31 years old, helps my mom in taking care of an old lady- around the clock. That job provides for tuition, house payment and it is literally our bread and butter. I found out recently, that my sister plans on going back home in mid- July to finally pursue an IT degree in the Philippines, in one of the most expensive and (I’m assuming) prestigious universities in the country: Ateneo de la Salle. Sure, I’m happy for her, but I’m very disappointed because of the fact that if my sister goes back home, my mom will rely on me to take on Luisa’s responsibility of working 12 evening hours, everyday, on top of my nursing education and clinicals for as long as that old lady lives. WTF.

Then it goes on… I asked my sister last Friday who will carry on the house payment when dad and mom plans to retire within the next 6 years max; guess who it is. Yes, it’s me. I will be responsible to pay for this single 3- story house that I am currently living at. This could happen when I’m 24 or 26. In my opinion, that’s rather young. Alright, sure, by that time, I’m a Registered Nurse working 12-14 hour shifts everyday just to pay off a damn house that I have inherited from my parents and that I have no intention of keeping. Foreclosing the house isn’t an option because my parents thinks that by keeping the house, it will be a great investment for me. According to them, the idea of renting each room of the house for college students, since it’s close to a university and it’s in the heart of a city, shall benefit my future. Sure, with sheer luck and sheer determination.

People my age just graduated from college and they are worrying about where to find jobs, where to stay, how to survive standing on their own two feet and enjoying their freedom from their parents. I am quite different. I’m still working on my degree in nursing, I’m inheriting a problem from my parents, I’m bothered with family problems and I feel like I’m 26 when I’m only 21. Maybe I’m overreacting but I’ve been stressed and I couldn’t think straight.

I hate growing up. It’s a lot of fun if only reality didn’t have to pile me BIGGER problems one after another. If I didn’t had these updated information about my family’s problems from my sister, I wouldn’t be stressing out like this. Ignorance is truly a bliss. Now I know when to actually block out stress stimulants. Next time, I’ll just keep my headphones on.

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