Day 18: A word of advice

 

I am very grateful for meeting the wisest and experienced people in my life. I find interest in meeting strong women who are older than me. They always have great advices to share, great experiences to tell and most of all, they have the strongest hearts to boast.

My friend, Sally, who wouldn’t reveal her age to me, but a mother of two children (around my age), is taking up Nursing class with me. I sat next to her during break time because she was munching on some sweet, dried bananas that I love so much to snack on. She is from Sierra Leone and she wondered how I am doing with the Sierra Leonean guy, Phil, who I mentioned to her once. Phil and I had a thing in late summer and he seemed to be more interested in me than I was with him. Sally asked me if I was considering on dating him exclusively and I told her that he and I are only friends. I did mention to her that I only wanted friendship with Phil because I couldn’t commit to anyone right now.

Sally went on chatting about her expectations on her daughter’s future boyfriends. She sounded like every parent who very much love their daughter: “I want her boyfriend to be stable, in school, etc.” However, Phil wasn’t in school. He only pursued a Certified Nursing Assistant license and a Medical Technologist license, but not a degree. Sally went on advising me on how I should find a man and what I should be thinking when a man comes along:

You’re young, you’re beautiful, you’ll meet more. With men, it’s never a 100%. You can have an amazing 75% and the rest, you can always tolerate. You can’t have a perfect man, but you can have a tolerable person to be with for the rest of your life. When you meet a guy, you don’t look for the appearance, you look beyond that. If you want a committed relationship, find that potential man who’s got what it takes to hold a relationship: not only financially, not only emotionally, and not only sexually. It’s okay if a man can’t satisfy you completely because of sex, but as long as he is devoted and stable in all other areas, then that’s fine. Would you rather enjoy the night or wake up without anything to eat? Like I said, you can’t have 100% and you can never have a perfect relationship. That’s impossible. But what you can have is someone who has the potential: the potential to be perfectly tolerable and who can provide you a perfect 75% .

 

Then it got me thinking… why do we expect so much when we can be happy with just 75% perfect and only 25% that we can live with even though they aren’t what we have expected?

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