I couldn’t sleep. I had only slept for 3 hours because I can’t stop thinking about why I’m too scared to be in a relationship. I’ve mentioned so many times that I want to be single, because I want to be ready when that time comes when someone asks me to take it up a notch. But there are a few guys who have been hinting on taking things seriously with me, as in be in a legit relationship. Those guys, might I add, are fit enough to be in the boyfriend spot. BUT WHY AM I SO FREAKING SCARED?! Like what Ricky has been telling me, almost 1000 times, “There is nothing to be scared of.” However,
After finding myself twisting, turning and trying to get some sleep, I began to reminisce on my failed relationships. The majority of them ended because either one or both of us stopped trying. To begin with, I think most of my relationships are short and only a few of them lasted long enough to be marked as significant. My first relationship of 3 years was a life-changer to me. It was the longest relationship I’ve had and the impact it left me, affected my ways of handling the next ones. The main reason why Dave and I ended because our relationship dried from non-stop arguments and insecurities . We were too occupied with our arguments and in trying to hold onto a few disengaging strings of our relationship, so we failed to recognize that we both needed to take a break and start all over again. But things didn’t happen that way… Dave took a shortcut in finding his manhood in someone else and I finally said, sayonara!
I’m scared to be in a relationship because I still have that slight trauma of trying to keep everything together even though it’s clear that things aren’t manageable. It’s so wonderful to fall in love and to be loved by someone, but it’s too painful to face the flip side. I’ve had too many disappointments on my failed relationships this past year, that starting a relationship is almost impossible at this time.
Who knows, maybe someone finally comes around and sweep me off my feet again… 😀
A relationship is exciting until one person stops trying. A true relationship is like a multimillion business, two people love the idea of starting one, fights to keep it stronger, and builds a future from it. It’s a long, arduous battle. Love isn’t what you feel when you see someone beautiful, it’s not what you see in the fine print, but it’s what you truly would fight for, even if… giving up is the last option. Now that’s love.