Day 5: That one Hot Ex I try not to see.

It's been the 5th day in my own so-called "Single" calendar. I have been trying
my hardest to keep myself from making the same mistake of jumping into 
relationships to feel less lonely. I've dated the almost-perfect and the 
fall-back guys. I know everything happens for a reason and yet 
I felt so guilty from breaking hearts that weren't supposed to be broken. 
A random Skype message had me thinking a lot and it made me realize how much I've
become stronger. 

Dimitry, my ex-Russian military boyfriend, has sent me a message. It took me
five minutes to reply and I even thought of ignoring it, but I didn't hold back.

Dimitry: "Hey you?"
Me: "Hey"
Dimitry: "How r you doing?"
Me: "Same ol' busy n u?"
Dimitry: "More busy now. Just thought id check in is all."
Me: "How's life ?"
Dimitry: "Its going have my ups and downs and yours?"
Me: "Same, but  I'm happier because I'm in full control of my life now"
Dimitry: "Great im glad to hear that. Somehow I feel a bit happier too."
Me: "Did u get into your specialty job?" 
Dimitry: "Nope ran into minor complications.I mean yeah i did get into that one 
but I later applied to change my job completely and then complications arose"
Me: "Why did u change? Isn't that what u wanted?"
Dimitry: "I did change into the specialty job and it was fun but i hate doing 
ceremonies all together and wanted to actually do army stuff and 
in order to do that withut waiting i needed to change my job 
completely but i ran into complications so i will be here for 
a while longer which maybe good and bad."
Me: "Well, you'll eventually adjust and forget the bad side of it"
Dimitry:"I feel like ive adjusted pretty well know im happy somehow and don't
complain as much just doing my time thats all"
Me: "That's good! Before you know it, you're done"
Dimitry: "Yup. miss you sometimes though"
Me: "I think of u too, but i think we're both not ready to be steady.
We've got our own paths but it's nice to hear from u again though"
Dimitry: "Sure whatever works for you"
Me: "It doesn't only work for me. It works for you too"
Dimitry: "I'm willing to make it work but i see whats up with you judging
from previous history and its fine beautiful I can move on and so 
can you miss you though"
Me: "How can u make it work when you keep looking back? I'm not ready for 
any relationship and that's what I've realized. Sure, you can find someone
else and move on. It's always been your decision. We're both young. If things
were different and both of us were stable both financially and career-wise,
things might have been easier. You've got limits now and I have my own."
Dimitry: "Ok stay beautiful."
Me: "Stay strong Dimitry, don't lose hope."

Dimitry is an almost-perfect guy that I could have been with. He's got
his head glued tight onto his shoulders (a huge turn on to me). 
He is loyal, smart and gorgeous: I mean, blonde, blue-eyed Russian hunk.
However, he, being in the military, has made things quite harder. Every date, 
every meeting and every time with him should be planned precisely. Spontaneity,
which is what I mostly crave for in relationships, was limited.  Eventually, 
I grew bored and faded away- literally. 

Somehow, when I started talking to Dimitry after a grace period of disappearing
from him, I mostly find myself lying right next to him in his bed, naked. I 
always felt a huge burden of making him have the slightest hope that we 
can make things work. Obviously, we haven't. I always go 'round the bush 
trying to tell him that I'm not happy and that maybe we could spice things up 
a bit or best, not to see each other for awhile. But when I spoke to him 
last night, I decided to let him go no matter how much he's close to being 
perfect. Sure, it's a waste to let go of a gorgeous guy like him, but if 
there's no spark or things aren't working out, then what's the purpose of
pursuing when there is no absolute reason?

After finally ending things with Dimitry, I felt stronger and I felt as if
I'm seriously taking this single life really well. There are no hearts to break 
and less chances of having mine broken. I'm finally taking a break and
I'm starting to embrace the beauty of being alone and unattached. 

High-Five! :D

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