Many thoughts have been going through my mind lately and it has made me restless and depressed. What I hate about myself is not what I do, but what I think. I ponder too much. I indulge too much in thinking that sometimes I lose touch with reality which is exhausting me from keeping up with my responsibilities and I hate it.
I think too much. It’s hard for me to say my thoughts out loud and it’s hard for me to make a move. I feel paralyzed, exhausted and I just want it all to stop.
I hope that in sharing some of my thoughts: some of them are not-so good and some of them are pretty unbelievable, I hope it would help me release stress from my mind. It’s getting too overcrowded up there and I need help.
1. Work
I started a new job at a 4 star Brazilian Steakhouse and I am currently a hostess there. I work there about 5-7 hours a day, 5 days a week. The pay is so much better than my previous job, but it’s taking most of my time needed for school. It’s killing me!

2. School
This spring semester has been so crazy! I am having a hard time in balancing my school life with work. Chemistry is not so bad, History is my favorite, Pilates class is what I’ll be taking in the last weeks of the semester but Biology. Oh my goodness… Biology is definitely driving me insane! I don’t have the time to read 15 pages each night considering how I have work. I currently have a D in that class.
3. Home
My family and I are moving to a new house which means… PACKING AND UNLOADING. I’m excited in moving to a new room, but goodness, it’s so stressful. I have to organize which things I need to bring and things that I need to discard. Dare I say more? Oh yeah… We have two sheds: full of stuff.
4. Relationship
This is a big one too. All I can say is, it’s going downhill, but Dimitry is trying to hold on. He is going to be overseas for a week (no big deal), but the army, as spontaneous as it is, might extend it. In my opinion, it’s crucial at this stage for our relationship to develop, but it’s hard for it to grow since I hardly see Dimitry. I like him because he is such a nice guy, but it feels like it’s taking too much time on my plate right now. I need time for Bio, but I want to see Dimitry too.
5. Me
I signed up for a gym membership in Bally Total Fitness in hopes of having a beach body this summer. But since work, school, moving,  and relationship has been taking up too much of my time, the time left for me to go to the gym is enough for me to close my eyes and detoxify myself from stress. Honestly, I feel extremely exhausted.
6. Friends
I think I’m ditching them again. As much as possible, I’m trying to avoid the parties and the hang outs because I simply cannot fit it in my schedule. Hopefully though, when the weather gets nicer and when spring semester is over, I’ll be back to hanging out with my friends again.
I want to escape from all of the stress. I wish I can manage my time more wisely and stop pondering too much. I miss being a kid without worrying all this grown-up problems. Ugh.

2 thoughts on “Thoughts.

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