Help me.

Again, I am lost in my thoughts.

I find myself staring in the blank space, lazily ignoring my duties when I know that they are all piling up in a corner of my head.

I had sex twice with a “friend” to fill the void inside of me. I feel empty and I feel that the passionate sex can make myself satisfied and temporarily complete even if it was only 45 mins. I’m lost in my thoughts thinking and hoping that I won’t be pregnant.

I’m basically lost in my thoughts thinking and wondering why everything I have around me is falling apart. I ended up having backstabbing friends whom I thought I could trust with a secret. I ended up having two-faced and lying friends whom I let invade my time instead of doing what I must have been doing in the first place: accomplishing my own needs.

I’m lost in my thoughts wondering how life is for the next months. I feel trapped.

I don’t know why I feel so trapped. My mind has been my enemy…. I should be doing something productive but it is keeping me from concentrating. It’s my enemy. My mind lost its drive to study further for my “necessary” profession (Nursing).  It lost its passion to think further, to stay positive, to be determined, and to graduate.

Life sucks. It does.

When you feel that you’re on top, I bet you, within an hour or so, your world will crumble down in an instant and it will only leave you with one word: “Wow.” It’s hard to be optimistic when several disappointments come your way. It’s like saying, “everything will be okay” but things just get worse every minute.

I can’t even trust men anymore. There is no love but sex. Everything seems like its only involving sex… no romance. I miss having a stable relationship. I miss having stability with my 3-year ex-boyfriend, but I do know that there is no turning back now. That chapter is forever closed.

I terribly want to wake up one morning and see all these but nothing more than a bad, horrid dream. I feel quite suicidal. I shouldn’t say that.

Won’t you be my friend?


2 thoughts on “Help me.

  1. Pretty sure you weren’t asking me but sure! I’ll be your friend.

    Sounds like things are making you feel down lately. Suicidal thoughts are never a good thing. Gotta find a way to get them out of your head before they consume you. It happened to me a few years ago.

    I know you don’t much feel like getting into your studies right now, but maybe it’s the distracion you need. And who knows? Maybe something good will happen as a result of it. Maybe.

    …Whatever the case, you need to believe in yourself! BELIEVE! And have another hug *hug*. Hope things work out. Don’t give up! I believe in you. And I’m sure lots of other people believe in you too.

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