Dirty little hormones.

“Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to fall.”



Let’s admit it, sex is amazing.

The dopamine, nonepinephrine and seratonin, which are neurotransmitters involve in libido and sexual activity promote a natural addiction that is almost close to being “high” on drugs. Virgins won’t understand it, but there is something so exciting and addicting about sex that makes it quite remorsefully tempting sometimes.


I was close to losing my “good-girl” image to Mr. Nit- Picky, a guy whom I was physically attracted for almost a month. I agreed to him last night that we could call ourselves as people “talking to each other” a.k.a. “friends-with benefits.” The reason why he couldn’t commit to dating because first of all, he hasn’t gotten over his ex girlfriend’s obsession on him and he thinks that he isn’t ready to be in a relationship after a 3-year break-up. When he was truthfully confessing these to me, I couldn’t help but think of the first and last night we had sex. He was good and I enjoyed it. I couldn’t keep myself together until I blurted out, “Life is short so let’s try to compromise by making our sexual relationship a secret.”  Wrong move… thank God, I was rescued by 3 verdicts from 3 of my close girlfriends: “NO! Don’t do it!”

For some odd reason, until now, I couldn’t keep myself from the urge of texting Mr. Nit-Picky to tell him that I changed my mind- that I want to be his “***k buddy.” Hopefully, along the way, we might consider dating eventually. But that’s only in the movies when a guy starts falling for a woman because she has been his sex- partner without any entrapments of commitment (consider: Love and Other Drugs by Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway).

Sex is sex. Love is love. There’s a difference. I should be old enough to know that FACT based on the past experiences I’ve had. Once a guy see an opportunity to hide from his obligations, he’ll take advantage of that. If Mr. Nit- Picky isn’t man enough to call it quits with his ex-girlfriend then he doesn’t deserve my sexual attention. If I pursue on being his on-call sex partner, it shows how much I don’t respect myself.

Now to be tempted is one thing, but to fall in love in the process is quite dangerous. If there is indeed a chemical romance involved along the process of being “friends- with benefits,” then there is a high chance that one of us might fall. I do know for a fact that I will be the one who’s going to fall for him. I know it myself and I just know it’s going to end that way. And if I do fall for him, where am I going to place myself when he, himself, doesn’t even know what to do with his ex-girlfriend? Life is indeed short, but I won’t waste it to be miserable in the end.

I do have my own desire and that is to have a stable relationship with someone I can call my sex partner and my boyfriend. Obviously, Mr. Nit-Picky isn’t boyfriend material.

I love sex, but if it’s going to put me on the risk of having another heartbreak, then screw it. Let me have a cig instead.




One thought on “Dirty little hormones.

  1. Pingback: Day 17: Coffee date with an ex? « iloveME.

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