I just realized that the isolation I was asking for has been granted. But I didn’t expect that total isolation meant completely losing all the friends I thought I would have in the process.
I feel really alone right now: completely and utterly alone. I had friends, but I completely isolated myself to the point that it meant erasing myself in the picture. And now that I feel like I wanted to be somewhere, enjoying life, I don’t have anyone around me.
I do have a best friend, but at the moment, she’s taken. She’s absorbed to her new lovey -dovey and I can’t blame her for that. I’ve isolated myself from her when I was with Beppe and she has every right to spend time with her new boyfriend. Karma bites, I know.
So … one moment I was on top of the world and within the blink of an eye, I hit rock-bottom.
Having a hectic schedule doesn’t help either. I purposely made it that way to isolate myself from dating and from drama, but now I regret it; well, not the prohibited dating part. I miss my friends so much. They aren’t asking me if I’m available to hang out anymore, because they all automatically know that “Khristine is busy.” What a pity.
I’m depressed. I’ve been smoking a lot lately and I’m trying my hardest not to get addicted to it, though it’s hard. It feels like it’s the only thing that makes me happy right now.
I’m in the darkest part of my life and I wanted it to spin now. Where’s the light switch? How do I end this misery? Again, I need an answer.
Am I going to be miserable like this for the rest of the cold season?