I’ve had it with this feeling of loss and of this god-forsaken pain in my heart.
I’ve had it with hoping and dreaming that maybe there’s a future for us out there.
Every bit of hope is starting to lose its valor,
And I’m barely holding on.
Have you read my blog posts lately? I have.
I’ve been going through this suffering for almost 2 months now and boy, I can tell you how exhausting and tiring it can be.
Especially, when you feel like you’re the only one suffering-
left with the most beautiful memories and haunted by them every single day… everywhere you go.
Can you see how tiring and how painful that is? It’s pissing me off.
I’ve read every single post I’ve had in here and it’s all about one single bull—-
The feeling of loss and the pain of missing someone terribly too much.
I’ve had it.
I’ve had it with telling my friends “oh Beppe this… Beppe that…”
I’ve had it with telling everyone that “Italy is this… and maybe I can go there next year”
I’ve had it with hoping that “Maybe when I go to Italy, Beppe and I will continue where we left off”
But you know what, when you’ve been slapt with reality from your friends and the fact that time do change everyone,
You’re left to wonder….. “Is everything going to be the same especially what we feel for each other?”
The last time I checked, Beppe and I are not even in a relationship anymore.
So really… Why am I hoping?!
I’m in pain and you can tell I am confused, but I don’t know what to hope for in this chaos.
It’s like chasing pavements… you don’t know where it leads you and you don’t know if it’s going somewhere.
So I decided…. the next time I post something, It’ll be a change. I swear.
No more missing someone.
No more pain.
No more hurt.
Like that’s easy to do… but I have to move on. I can’t be like this because I feel destroyed and miserable inside.
I have to start moving forward…………..
Oh God… please help me cope up.