Maybe that’s what I need… to be completely alone.
I feel like the isolation from everything and from everyone makes me less significant.
I’m not in the spotlight where people look at me with pity because I lost something beautiful.
No one telling me that there’s something wrong with me.
No one asking me if I’m okay.
And no one telling me that it’s all going to be okay.
Isolation is the quiet bliss I get from separation.
Separation? Separation and isolation from the world itself but a deeper connection with myself.
It’s been so long since I’ve had my nails done.
It’s been so long since I’ve enjoyed a cup of tea in a crowded place and under a beautiful weather- alone.
It’s been so long since I’ve focused on my goals in life.
It’s been so long since I went shoe shopping.
It’s been so long since I talked to myself while driving home in my car.
Though I’ll admit that I’ve been depressed.
Hurt. Depressed. Abandoned. Weak. Intimidated. Exhausted.
They say that time heals everything.
Time… has been my enemy and ironically, my medication.
All summer long, I’ve been chasing after time to slow down and now..
I am pushing time to go faster…
Somehow, I don’t want to be alone.
But I want to be with someone whom I can hold on to and make sure that indeed everything is going to be okay-
unchanged and constant.
But life is ironic.
I want to be alone, but I want to be with someone.
I want life to be constant, but life keeps on changing.
Maybe I’ve been alone with myself all alone or…
Maybe I’ve never been alone since I’ve always had myself.
I really don’t know what I want.
At this point, I’ll admit that I am indeed lost.